Fears of my heart

I've become very blessed through this whole process and cannot thank everyone enough for their support! I'm learning a lot along the way and one of the biggest things that I've had to deal with is a question that was asked of me a few weeks ago: If I were not a Christian would I still love humanity. Now, I don't denounce my faith in anyway by saying this, but I believe that I would. Many of my friends and family (the majority in fact) do not share the same faith as me and that is something I greatly appreciate. Of course I would love it if everyone thought the same way I did, but I would never grow...and that would be a pretty boring life!

I say all of this because many have been timid to donate towards the trip because it is a Christ-centered one. Honestly, I can understand the timidity, but it doesn't take just a person from that Christian faith to see hurt in the world. People will often hear me talking about "my kids" because that is how I truly see them- they are a part of me. My fear, as or right now, is not being able to raise enough money for the trip- my fear is having all this become possible and given the chance to go back. Am I afraid to ? Of course! It's what keeps me up a night- do I have faith that God is going to protect me? Sure! But I also have this fear that if I go on the trip I won't be focused on what I'm doing: teaching English.

As I've already mentioned to some of you this trip is set up differently then ones I've been on in the past. We'll be at the orphanage I've been going to for a shorter period so that we can bring Southeastern students to different areas in Cambodia to start teaching in other parts. I'm still not sure if I'm strong enough to only spend a few days with my kids- to be in the same country as them, but not be near them. That's my fear, and I know I'll have to face it at some point. Raising money for this trip is one of the hardest (and most inconvenient) things I've had to do this semester. had actually planned on doing nothing and relaxing after graduation. Now, I'm left with the possibility of going to a third world country the weekend I graduate from college.